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My Blog Absence (Posted 9/30/2016)

A big hello to all of my followers and a big thank you for being so patient... This is probably the longest I've waited to give an update, but I have had one hell of a month.


Side note: One of the best things that have happened this month was the article from South Sound Talk on me. I have the link below :) it follows my story: my diagnosis and how I doing now. So check it out!

http://www.southsoundtalk.com/2016/09/08/dancers-focus-remains-on-pointe-through-brain-surgery/


Alrighty, time to get to the real stuff.. Earlier this month or even this week (Chiari brain fog guys am I right?) Any who.. We were talking and we talked about how we hear all of these success stories, but they never or barely touch on the hard times, because people want to hear about the good with success stories. Totally understandable. However I feel like that's why I failed and failed over and over again to post anything, because it truly didn't feel like any good was happening in my day-to-day life. It's harsh, but I've learned more than ever in the past three weeks that my surgery and condition is no joke... So here I am, and this post isn't a happy one, but it's a real one.


I never expected this recovery to be like this, and I don't think anyone did. I guess there's no real way to prepare yourself for it... I think that everyone, myself included, thought that I would have the surgery, have a few month of recovery, and come back to Cornish in the fall all good again. The problem with Chiari is that nothing is concrete besides the fact that your brain ran away from it's intended home. Surgeons conduct surgery differently, each patient has their own unique set of symptoms, and you never know what will happen post-surgery. I just turned 20, and I'm mad. I'm very very mad and frustrated and I'm not experienced at feeling those emotions. Someone recently told me that what I'm going through is similar to the grief process itself, that I am mourning the loss of my previous life before I became sick and gained a label. That person was extremely correct. That is exactly what is happening... I'm handling it the best I can, but it is most definitely not sunshine and rainbows. I don't know what I would do without my support system that I have around me. Even when I'm not home, the people I surround myself with make me feel the best that I can. It is such a personal and lonely journey and I have put up a brave front for so long, but now I'm accepting that that takes a lot of energy and that I just need to feel what I feel.


Everything in my head is so jumbled up in my head that I hope this all makes sense, or at least attempts to make sense. Thank you all for always lifting me up. #CMstrong

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