Well what a year it has been .. Everyone knows this though, so I'm not going to go into too much depth about how crap of a year it was and say all the cliche things about how "excited" I am about 2021. As much as I truly do hope this next year is going to be a different year and hopefully full of positive change, I just don't trust people around me to make it happen! It takes all of us to work together, but there's too many people out there who don't think this can effect them, and you all know what I mean when I say "this." I'm thankful though to live in a state where things are taken much more seriously and cases are actually much lower than the rest of the country due to our state government taking those earlier precautions. So for that, I'm grateful.
This year for me has for sure been one of the hardest yet. I used to never worry about my work ... I've had a job or two since I was 16 years old, and to have to go onto unemployment for a decent chunk of this year, including right now, was hard. If you truly know me, you know that my job is my everything and that I consider my students my own children, and being away from them and only seeing them through a screen was so heartbreaking for me. I can only imagine what they felt and still feel considering we still aren't allowed in studio even though dance studios account for zero of the cases in the state. I'm always real on my blog, so I'm going to say that it wasn't hard for me to motivate my kiddos to continue to work hard and stay positive, but as for myself, that was and still is a daily chore. From August-mid November we were allowed in studio and it felt AMAZING. I was so happy. November 16th happened and my depression and anxiety crept right back in once we (we a in restaurants, gyms, and youth sports) went back on lockdown. I let myself feel all of my feelings fully so that I could try and process them, and then I got back to Zoom with my kids. Good ole 2020.
As for my physical health, I have had a lot of issues with my chronic pain the past 3 ish months and I honestly think a lot of that is stress-induced. We have also had some nutty weather lately and I think I have finally pinpointed my number 1 trigger for my symptoms: weather changes! I still overall do much better in the colder months, but on the first day of a rainy week or when the wind picks up or if there's a big temperature drop, I'M OUT! I'm still trying my best to keep up with my physical therapy, massage therapy, atlas orthogonal chiropractor, normal therapy, and seeing my neurologist every 3 months, and just self care in general. I do have to say I've become much better at slowing down this year and really listening to what my body and illness need each day and heck each hour of each day, and I'm proud of myself for that. That's truly the best thing that came out of 2020, that and a deeper relationship with my family and all of my students.
My favorite memory of this year has to be delivering all of the Christmas gifts to all of my students in one day with my amazing co-worker and friend, Kristina :) seeing their faces, well, their eyes at least, and their joy made EVERYTHING worth it. Every hardship this year was worth it to see all of those smiles. I hope my kids never go a day without knowing how much their teachers love them.
All in all, 2020 has been crap. I've been there for so many of my closest friends through their personal battles as well, but it all made us stronger. I'm so lucky to have the people in my life that I do.
Things I'm looking forward to in 2021:
- Going back to work
- January 20th
- Improving my self care
- The vaccine
- Maybe snow? Hehe
All in all, my condition is still stable, and that's a blessing in itself, even though Ive been in a lot of pain lately. I've only had one you-know-what scare (due to someone backing into my car and then not wearing a mask and telling me two days later she tested positive after hitting my car ... FUN TIMES), and I pray it stays that way. I can tell my anxiety has skyrocketed after having several panic attacks being in stores as of late, but I'm not surprised as I've been dealing with severe anxiety since I was at least 4 years old. All I can do is keep telling myself "I got this."
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